It’s never a good feeling when you really, really want to talk to someone. But that person doesn’t want to talk to you. That’s how my life is currently going.

I was so happy for about the month or so of talking to this great girl. Until i noticed things simply weren’t right. Yet when people insist they are I can’t do anything but believe them. Then when you go out and have a great night and you spend the rest of the night thinking about them, even all your time thinking about that person you get a warm feeling. That feeling isn’t something that comes to me so very easily, at all.

What I don’t understand is why some people just can’t be honest when it comes to dealing with other peoples feelings. I understand you have to look out for yourself, i really truly do. But when it comes to the point of completely hurting someone, it sucks.

I don’t really know where i’m going with this post at all. It just sucks. I thought i was ready for a relationship so I decided to give it a shot and I did. I did everything in my power to. I just got to the point where i felt like i couldn’t do anything more. I felt like i couldn’t give that happiness. When someone tells you “I’m not over someone” it hits home. It sucks. A lot.

Because when someone says that to me, I feel like i failed. I feel like i lack giving someone the happiness that the other person gave them. It’s an awful feeling because i would want nothing more than to give someone happiness since i’ve struggled with being happy my entire life. I’ve struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, everything.

I just wish it didn’t have to end this way.

What i can say is thank you. Thank you seriously from the bottom of my heart for what a glimpse of happiness feels like. To feel like you can feel in return on what you give. It was great, even though it was nothing i’d hoped it would be. It was still wonderful.

Seriously…how fucking hard is it to eat with your mouth closed. My roommates are fucking disgusting. If i can hear you eat your food OVER the sound of the TV show i’m watching then I should be able to just fucking punch you in the face without you even knowing it’s coming. Close your fucking mouth.